allport3333

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 04:53:42 GMT

First time in a long time for an update eh. If you don't want to hear an "oh woe is me" entry, then this is not the entry for you, so just skip it cause it will just piss you off. But then again, i'm in the state of mind right now, where i just don't give a fuck.

Well lets start with saying that some friends i thought i would be with for a long time arn't there anymore. I know its mostly my fault, but i also know that i can't handle knowing that how much i would do for someone, and how much they were willing to do for me. Or should say how much they weren't willing to do for me. Gets you kinda depressed when you find out that you would walk across the world just to be there for someone when they needed you and that same person wouldn't even walk across the street to help you if you just got hit by a car. Yea it sucks don't it.

Then college is complete shit. I'm doing horrible and i could give the excuse my mind is on to much other shit but then that would be just that, an excuse. I need to get my head out of my ass and stop feeling bad about what use to be and what is now. Then get to work in school again.

Then my feelings about another girl friend of mine are all messed up. Cause i've tried to be with her before, and it worked great for awhile, but then kinda just fizzled out. Now those old feelings are starting to come back, and i have to get it through my thick skull that she doesn't feel the same way, no matter what she may say or how she may act. Then when i do talk to her, and she talks about who she likes or might go out with, i bash my head into the wall trying to tell my brain to stop thinking anything other than friends can come from us. Or how i tell my friends, "oh i won't get hurt, i'm just doing this to 'get my rocks off' (as fred put it) and have some fun", which is complete and utter bullshit, because how can i even say that it won't affect me when i know it will. Then i'll just keep building it up inside me, or let it out in small doses on some innocent bystander who i think *might* have just given me a dirty look and blow up on them. Perhaps if i just beat the living hell out of someone then most of my pent up anger will go away. Guess i'll just have to wait for someone to say they want to "kill" me again, or beat my ass. And all because i can't handle my own damn emotions.

My so called step-Dad has dissapeared off the face of the earth again, no big surprise there. Then my mom is a lazy ass and wants everythign given to her on a silver platter. Shes 40 or so and still thinks she's 15. She needs to learn to grow up.

When it comes to trying to go out with anyone i might see a possibility, they either want nothing to do with me, or always come up with the "don't want to ruin the friendship" or the other million excuses "oh something has come up and i can't han gout with you tonight, sorry." Yea bullshit you are sorry. If you were sorry you wouldn't say yes in the first place to get my hopes up, just to smash them down to nothing the next day to make me feel even more worthless.

Everyone keeps saying "oh things will get better." My question to them is WHEN THE HELL IS THAT GOING TO HAPPEN. I've been waiting 18 years for things to get better, and i really don't see how anything has and ever will get better. People tell me to look at the positive things in my life. Hmmm, lets count them on one hand shall we. I am going to college (even though i'm doing horrible), i have a truck that runs decent(even though my grandma was just given a brand new car that i really don't see why she needs a sports car), I still have friends there for me (even though they all have their own problems to deal with so i keep my mouth shut normally excep tfor here), i have a roof over my head, my grandparents rules are pretty small so i can do mostly what i want...... uh.... and i guess i'm alive so that at least makes 6. What do you know, i counted more than 5 things. And after reading that, i must sound like a spoiled brat, lol. But believe me, if you knew all the things that were shitty with me, then that would make up for it by far.

Now isn't that kinda funny, with all this shit on my mind (and a whole shitload more that i'll keep to myself), i still smile and act like absolutely nothing is wrong everytime i see a friend. Things are funny that way arn't they. So now i've given up on trying to help my friends with their problems, because if i can't even help myself, then how the hell am i suppose to help anyone else.

So there, that is a look into what is going on in my mind, what so many of you wanted to know so badly. And for those who just read this and are like "whoa, where the fuck that come from", it came from holding it all in for years and years, and more importantly all the recent shit that has happened to me. For the stupid shit with nicole, the fucking games i play with my own mind about kortney, macomb fucking community college, and my mom actually trying to talk down to me about what i can and can't handle.

If life is suppose to be so great, then why the hell does it hurt so much. It would be so much easier not to have to worry about anything, and be done with it all.

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 04:26:46 GMT

You scored as Maximus. After his family was murdered by the evil emperor Commodus, the great Roman general Maximus went into hiding to avoid Commodus's assassins. He became a gladiator, hoping to dominate the colosseum in order to one day get the chance of killing Commodus. Maximus is valiant, courageous, and dedicated. He wants nothing more than the chance to avenge his family, but his temper often gets the better of him.

</td>

Maximus

75%

The Amazing Spider-Man

63%

El Zorro

58%

Lara Croft

54%

Batman, the Dark Knight

54%

James Bond, Agent 007

54%

William Wallace

50%

Neo, the "One"

50%

Indiana Jones

50%

The Terminator

50%

Captain Jack Sparrow

29%

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 18:15:59 GMT

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.8
Mind:	6.3
Body:	8.6
Spirit:	6.8
Friends/Family:	5.6
Love:	5
Finance:	5.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 04:59:53 GMT

I am contemplating giving you all another look into what goes on in my messed up head. Guess we'll find out what my decision is, if/when i update.

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 04:57:43 GMT

10 Favorites
Favorite Color: green
Favorite Food: mamwhich
Favorite Band: staind or linkin park.
Favorite Sport to Play: just about any
Favorite Season: spring
Favorite Day Of the Week: saturdays, cause always know i will see a friend
Favorite Ice Cream: cookie dough
Favorite Time of Day: night
Favorite Flower: ........

9 Currents
Current Mood: nastolgic (sp?)
Current Taste: dry mouth
Current Clothes: boxers and my top dog tshirt
Current Desktop: kirsten dunst
Current Nail Color: definately not
Current Time: 9:36
Current Surroundings: basement
Current Annoyance(s): everything
Current Thought:test int he morning

8 Firsts
First Best friend: Timmy saterfield (sp again)
First Kiss: uh, first real kiss, kort
First Screen Name: allport3333
First Pet: can't remember, had a few, perhaps gizmo
First Piercing: again......
First Crush: ..... ashley
First Concert: kid rock
First Love: love? not sure i have fully loved somoene yet (this is starting to seem like a survey for girls)

5 Lasts
Last Cigarette: never?
Last Car Ride: car ride home from colins
Last Kiss: movies, with an old girl friend
Last phone call: don't know.
Last CD Played: mix

6 Have You Evers
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends: no
Have You Ever Broken the Law: maybe one or two
Have You Ever Been Arrested: no
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: (again, think girls do this mostly)
Have You Ever Been on TV: nope, only in the paper
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: nope

5 Things You Did Last Night:
1. up most of the night with nightmares
2. watched some tv
3. talked online for a bit
4. studied for a bit
5. reflected on the pass a bit.

4 Places You've Been To:
Today: Colin's, cvs, macomb, gas station
Yesterday: uh, don't remembe ryesterday
Out of the state: uh, all the way to florida and to washington
Out of the country: canada

3 People You Can Tell Anything to:
1. Anything? Honestly, no one.
2.
3.

2 Choices:
Black or White: white
Hot or Cold: cold

1 Wish:
Someone to hold in my arms. (okay, okay, i know, i'm a pussy. Eh get use to it)

Mon, 24 Oct 2005 19:45:05 GMT

Caution: allport3333 may explode without warning

M
EXPLOSIVE

From Go-Quiz.com

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 03:49:57 GMT

Type your name with your...

nose: chris

elbow: chris

tongue: not on my keyboard

chin: cxnbrfjkzx

feet: ch ri s

eyes closed and 1 finger: chris

back of hand: chris

palm: chris

wrist: cbhriers

forehead: c vuy7h54r89ew

what's your name?: chris

can you say bored

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 12:24:12 GMT

Well been a busy few days. Found out i won't be getting any money from the state because my mom basicaly took it all and the congress decided to pass a bill that changed the way things were done. Basically 2 years ago i would still be getting money. Oh well. Then i got my license finally yesterday. Yes i finally got my lazy ass out of bed and decided i needed it. Passed on the first try, and thank god i know how to parrallel park. Because i was driving this neon and i couldn't see the front end, so when i had to stop between the white and yellow line i was like 2 feet short of it. Then the back in thing was on almost a 90 degree angle. So instead of trying to turn that quick, i just took the point off and pulled forward and then backwards. So license is on the way in the mail as i also went to the secretary of state and got all that stuff set up. Now for some other news. I'm going to the hospital today and they are suppose to be putting a tube down my throat. This apparantely will tell them if i will need surgery or not to correct the stupid problem with my esophageus. I just hope they don't decide to do the surgery today. Well wish me luck.

If you read this, please answer

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 06:08:45 GMT

Okay a recent conversation with someone has sparked this new question. And now i want everyone who reads these to please comment, and don't hold back. I want your true honest opinion, no matter if you think it would hurt my feelings or not. It's a pretty simple question.

What are my biggest flaws? And this is meant for everything, how i handle girls, how i handle school, family, and friends. Basically what do i do that either pisses the fuck out of you, or just annoys you.

Now this is only for me to know, doesn't mean for one second that i'm going to change how i do things. I just want to know for future knowledge. Thx alot, and remember, be honest.

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 07:00:05 GMT

01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie/book reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an time of day to you, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that I feel best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal.

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 08:18:51 GMT

Well lately i have been getting irritated easier, and letting my anger out now and then. However i don't think this is necessarly a bad thing. Because instead of having all my anger bottled up, and then end up hurting someone really badly, i let the anger out in small doses. Which hopefully will save me from something that could ahve happened in the future. However one bad thing about this means i snap at people a little easier. I still hold alot in though, because if i didn't then i would get in alot of trouble. So i'm hoping this new technique will help me cope with my waivering emotions lately. Only problem is that some people that i know tend to piss me off a lil bit more than others, which isn't helping to much. So this entry is basically a warning to everyone that reads this, be weary of how you act around me as of late, because i don't know how much i can handle.

oh and i wish to god someone would threaten me or one of my friends, just so i can beat the living hell out of them so that i can get all this anger that has been inside me out.

Wow, after re-reading this, i sound like a deranged lunatic...... Kinda scary really. Its not as bad as it might seem ;). I'll be fine in the end, like always. Just like to vent now and then.

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 07:59:16 GMT

Your soul is caring.
Other people are your concern, even if you
don't know them. If you see a person trip you
worry is he is okay. You put your loved ones
first and you're very mature. When someones
sick you're nurturing and always try to help
family and friends when failure strikes them.
You can be called the motherly one, if you are
in a group of people, which doesn't have to be
bad. Love is something that's already in you
and you have a lot to give whether you believe
it or not. Your friends probably love you very
much and come to when they need help since
you're reliable. People can feel secure with
you and generally like you.

How is your soul?(pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

~*~Result nr 1~*~

Your power is: Clairvoyance

Explanation: Your power is that you can
look into the future and see what is coming.
How far and long you can look is all depending
on your skill level. This can, as all powers,
be used in both evil and good. Even if it may
seem like a boring ability it is a huge
responsibility for the carrier, becase they are
constantly tempted with doing the wrongs deeds
(e.g. cheat on a test). It takes high morals to
not be brought down with it.

Therefor you fit with this power quite well.
You take responsibility and do what is the
right thing to do. This does not make you a
saint, since you're only human after all. But
it makes a trustworthy person and you are loyal
to camrades and/or team mates. In school you
were probably a good student. If you were
social varies from person to person, but most
clairvoyant people tend to prefer their own
company or that of close friends and family.
That is because you are wise and knows how to
treasure the reliable in your life, since you
know popularity can be a false element. You are
also not that big on taking risks and prefer
what is already explored. That is because you
don't like suprises, they can turn out bad and
then you won't be in control.
Negative aspects: Since you're always
doing the right thing and being trustworthy all
the time you can become frustrated. Also, all
that you carry on your shoulders may stress you
out. You need to relax to be in good mental
shape.

What Power is Compatible With You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 07:35:43 GMT

I think both of these are true for me.

You are a
protector.
Yes, you don't like to kill people. That goes
against everything you belive in. It's not that
you are a coward, but your ideals and morals
wouldn't allow it. You are the typical hero, do
the righteous things, get the bad guys and do
it all legally. But just because you don't kill
doesn't mean you can't kick ass. And that is
what you do. You use your brain and your
strenght to do honourable deeds and protect
people you know and love. If an evil guy is
going to take over the world soon, it's you who
will get involved. You hate watching innocents
suffer, and love seeing bad people getting what
they deserve. You are probably also happy and
optimistic and work pretty good in groups. And
the friends you usually make are true ones.

Main weapon: Anything at all
Quote: "You only live once, but if
you do it right, once is enough" -Joe
Lewis
Facial expression: Smile

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

You kill for
revenge.
That is because you have lost something or
someone you held very dear. Now you can't seem
to get over the loss that marked your soul, and
the only solution is to go after the one person
who brought all this pain to you. Chances are
you are angry inside and you bottle everything
up and don't talk to anyone about it. People
may want to help, but you think that they can
never understand your pain and only get
frustrated because of this. But it is important
to see all that you have left and be thankful
of that even if you have lost something great.
It may not be true that Times heals all wounds,
but with time and talking about your feelings,
maybe the hurt will ease.

Main weapon: Yourself
Quote: "You can close your eyes to
reality but not to memories" -Stainslaw J.
Lec
Facial expression: Gritted teeth and
teary eyes

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 07:25:45 GMT

It is kinda funny how someone will talk so much, yet say nothing. If you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret this day. So i wonder, will i regret this day?

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 21:38:35 GMT

Decisions, Decisions. Sometimes its hard to tell people the truth, especially if you think it will hurt them, or if you think their response may hurt you. If you tell someone you love them, and just the thought of them telling you that your not good enough or just "not the right one" for them. Guess in the end though you have to act like an adult, and be truthful with your feelings. Its better to let them out and take the chance, so in the future you don't ever have to say "what if i told her". Cause even if they do say your not the right one for them, at least you know that is the truth and you don't EVER have to wonder what would be different if i told her.

Fri, 17 Jun 2005 21:30:00 GMT

I think when i get back from up-north i'm going to be making a long update. Have alot on my mind that i'll just keep bottled up until i get back.

Sun, 22 May 2005 17:04:48 GMT

Ever feel like you needed to talk to someone, anyone, but deep down you were afraid to open up and tell them what has been on your mind. Or even worse, that you have no one to talk to at all, because you think they wouldn't understand what you have been contemplating. I'm pretty sure most people have, but it does suck when it happens. I mean, i'm usually the one that people can come to and talk to when they need something, or just someone to listen. But when i start to think about who could do that for me, i draw a blank. I know that some people would listen, maybe even just to be nice, but i want someone to be able to listen to me, without judging me, and just be a genuine friend. Guess i've been thinking a little to much as of late. Oh well.

Downward spiral

Fri, 06 May 2005 00:49:21 GMT

Only time will tell.

Wed, 04 May 2005 00:54:58 GMT

You know what i hate, i hate it when people get pissed off at you for not caring about what they do anymore. I mean, for instance, my mom. I had to basically worry about her, care for her when she was drunk, and basically try to keep shit together. Now i'm 17, and i honestly have my own problems to deal with. I can't keep trying to help her every stupid mistake she makes. She needs to learn to grow up and act like an adult. That includes not asking everyone for help when one little thing goes wrong. She needs to learn how to fix things herself, without asking everyone else what to do. Especially me. I have tried to help her all i can, and she still doesn't listen to me, so what does it matter. So yea, i could care less about just about everyone now. All my caring is used up. Not many people in this world mean that much to me, but the people that do, know it. Or at least i would expect them to. And those people know that i will still be there for them if they need it. But what happens to my mom because of her stupid mistakes, i dont' care about, what happened to my "step-father" i could care less about. If anyone thinks that i have not tried my hardest to help everyone i could then they are clueless. Because i have, now i'm done helping everyone else. When my mom calls me and says that it saddens her that i don't care what happens, she needs to get a clue. Because i have always cared. Now with her stupid ass remarks, no i don't care anymore. She caused that herself. I need to worry about myself for once. Again when i say "everyone else" i mean everyone else except for the few people who know who they are. If they need something, they can call night or day, otherwise leave me the fuck alone.

Sorry, needed to vent, and figured it would be better to do it here instead of on some poor person that would listen to me.

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 02:02:35 GMT

Chris Joseph Allport's Aliases

Your movie star name: Coca Cola Frank

Your fashion designer name is Chris London

Your socialite name is Griffy Saint Clair Shores

Your fly girl / guy name is C All

Your detective name is Cat Lakeview

Your barfly name is Cookies Natta

Your soap opera name is Joseph Eleven Mile

Your rock star name is Cry Babies Jet

Your star wars name is Chryin Allnic

Your punk rock band name is The Exhausted Love

The Amazing Meganame Generator

Had to

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 15:06:01 GMT

You scored as Pissed at the World Cat. And here we have the next serial killer. Try having some cotton candy, it'll make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, Psycho.

</td>

Pissed at the World Cat

83%

Couch Potato Cat

67%

Nerd Cat

33%

Ninja Cat

33%

Derranged Cat

25%

Love Machine Cat

25%

Drunk Cat

Which Absurd Cat are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 23:41:34 GMT

If someone is pissed off about hows something is going for them, and don't even truly try to makes things better for themselves (and i don't mean a half-assed effort either). Then don't sit there and cry about it when the repercussions occur. And i'm not talking to just one person here, i'm talking to everyone out there that feels like reading this.

Sick and tired

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 07:03:37 GMT

calm chris, calm.

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 03:52:49 GMT

I am worth $2,336,502.00 on HumanForSale.com

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 19:03:37 GMT

Who will you be stuck with at end of time? by chi_a_baidh
Your name is
Your sex is
Your favorite color is
You are stuck there because	everyone else died due to the wrath of God
For _____ years	59
With	George Bush. Click for pic.
He/She will think you are	clever
You will	kill him/her

Quiz created with MemeGen!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, well at least i get rid of him.

Now for the update. The other day we had a pretty rough track practice. We were outside in the cold and ran ten 100 meter sprints. I was the only one to do all ten, and then proceeded to puke a bit. So while everyone was going in i kinda just layed around puking a bit more (nasty yes but eh). Then instead of walking around the fence i figured it would take less time to just jump the fence. So when i went to jump it i swung my leg over and tried to lift my body up with my leg, and then my leg tightened up really badly. I mean it felt like my muscle by my calf was a steel rod. I pinched myself so that iw ouldn't feel the pain. And believe me i pinched myself really hard, and still felt the pain. So i stood outside not moving it for about ten minutes before it started to loosen up. I was pretty close to calling over to the distance people to help me inside but i didn't. I just walked in while putting most of my weight on my righ tleg. Of course this caused me to pull a muscle in my right leg. At least the small pull went away. But what i did to my left leg didn't.

SO i went to the doctors on thursday. The doc said i'm suppose to be done with track for 6 to 8 weeks with a torn calf muscle. The good news however is that its up to me how long i am really out for. So if i want to run, lets say monday, i can. I don't think its that serious, and neither does my coach. Most of the pain has gone away so i think i'm gonna start a little sooner that originally planned. I was going to take two weeks off, but i think 5 days is pretty good. It all depends on how much pain there is. And i'm pretty sure there won't be much pain since most of the pain is already gone. we'll see.